In Which Game Characters Become NotSoFictional
by Htaed is Death backwards
Summary: Shay is a relatively normal high school student, living by herself, because her parents got fed up with her, as are her best friends Kittarra and Alyxx. What happens when the men of FFVII turn up on Shay's doorstep, with their brains, well, scrambled?
1. Important people at the door

**Htaed: Okay, I'm back again, but this time the story's for FFVII. Yes, I am that cool that I can write a FFVII story just from having seen the movie Advent Children. I have never played the game in my life, so please excuse any mistakes.**

* * *

"Ding-dong!" 

I twitch as I hear my doorbell. Damn. The book was just getting interesting...Oh well, I've already read it. I decide to answer the door, because it might actually be someone important, instead of the usual salespeople. I open the door, holding my place in my book (Which, incidentally, was Eragon. For like the fourth time.), with my index finger.

"OH MY JENOVA!!"

I scream, dropping my book. OW! Damn. I dropped the book on my foot, and it's a hardcover. I think I broke my toe...I look up from my ponderings on whether to call my cousin, (who's a doctor, and would know if I had broken my toe) to make sure I'm not hallucinating from an overdose of sugar.

Blink.

Blink.

Nope, not hallucinating, they're still there. Oh yeah. You're probably wondering who 'they' are.

There, standing on my doorstep, (which, by the way, consists of a rug saying 'Go Away Please, If You're Just Going To Annoy Me') are Reno, Vincent, Cloud, Loz, Yazoo, Kadaj and...Sephiroth.

I gape at them in shock.

Sephiroth steps forwars, while Cloud picks up my book, and looks at it curiously. Stupid book. Why couldn't it fall on _his_ foot? Then _he'd_ have the broken toe, not me. I'm a soccer player, dammit!

Sephiroth clears his throat.

"Um...Hello miss, may we come in? We seem to be rather, um...lost."

I open and close my mouth a few times, and proceed to faint.

* * *

Oh, my aching head. Oh, my aching _foot_. I sit up, and the room spins. (I'm lying on my couch, by the way, in case you were wondering.) I clutch my head in agony. Feels like I rode the Sky Screamer one two many times. 

"Oh, you're awake!"

I look up, and sigh. Damn. Guess it wasn't a dream then, as Sephiroth is standing right in front of me. Apparently the men from the video game decided to invite themselves in.

"You fainted." he says, as if I needed reminding.

"Meow." I look down. Oh, there's my cat.

I have a black cat called Thirteen. She recently vanished to the point of no return. AKA the basement.

"Oh my God! You never said you had a cat!"  
Sephiroth squeals, scooping up my poor kitty.

I get up, and Sephiroth looks up from cuddling my kitty and says,

"Um...You really shouldn't be walking around. Vincent thinks you broke your foot when you dropped your book on it. Speaking if that book, Cloud kinda...kidnapped it, and he won't give it back until he reads it."

I look at my foot, which is padded in an alarming amount of...Kleenex and tape. Apparently the monsters I call relatives, to be nice (so unlike me) used up all the gauze, band-aids and crap playing 'doctor' on their 'stuffies.' I blink at my foot, which looks more like a _very_ ugly boot.

Blink.

"I need coffee." I say, resuming my march to the kitchen in search of life-giving caffeine.

Suddenly, I'm quite literally swept off my feet by none other that Vincent. I 'eep' in shock, while my inner fangirl squees in delight.

_Vincent is even more smexy up close!_, she says, while I attempt, and fail, to ignore how right she is.

"You really shouldn't walk around, you know." he says.

...I'm being held bridal-style by a suddenly-not-fictional-anymore video game character who is telling me not to walk around on my supposedly broken foot. Life is so weird.

"Uh...yeah. I kinda need to get to my room...It has like, my cellphone any stuff in it and-"

"I'll carry you"

He starts walking (in entirely the wrong direction, I might add), and I 'eep' again. He stops.

"Which way?"

"Um...Upstairs."

Vincent marches up the stairs. I direct him to my room, and he puts me on my bed and hands me my phone.

"If you need anything, yell for one of us. I really think you broke something in your foot."

Was Vincent always this serious? Hmmmm...Yeah, I guess so.

"Right. Sure. Okay."

* * *

**...And that's the first chapter!**


	2. Alyxx and Ant come over

**Htaed: okay pplz, I'm back again, and I'm updating for once. I was at my friend's (TheNightsIllusion) house, and she wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote the next chappie, so here it so, enjoy! Also, Shay's (aka me) friend Alyxx (aka my friend Mel) comes in this chapter.**

* * *

"I'm telling you, Al, they're really here!" 

"Yeah, sure."

"Seriously! Come overe and see!"

"'Kay, lemme get my keys...M'on my way."

* * *

"Ding-dong!" 

I jerk my head up. Alyxx is here. I can hear someone going to answer the door, so...

"NOBODY MOVE!! I GOT IT!!" I holler.

I jump off the bed, and hop down the stairs on my 'good' foot. I hop to the door, and can feel Vincent burning holes in the back of my head with his glares. I swear I can smell my hair burning...I open the door, revealing Alyxx, toting her backpack, her orange mustang parked behind my enormous black pickup truck. ((AN: Do NOT laugh. If you laugh at me for owning a ginormous pickup truck, I will hunt you down and run you over.)) Sigh...her car is so out-of-place. Alyxx steps in and blinks at my Kleenex-covered foot.

"...What happened?"

"I...That's completely irrelevent."

Suddenly, the two of us hear a yell from the direction of the living room.

"KADAJ!! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!!!"

"..."

"Who...?"

Cloud runs past us to the kitchen, leaving behind Kadaj, who is pouting at having been caught spying on Cloud...by Cloud.

"YAAAAAGH!!!" THUD.

Apparently Cloud ran into Sephiroth, sending them both to the floor.

"OUT!!"

Cloud runs back out, heavily dusted in flour.

(In case you were wondering, everyone else is just standing around watching this entertaining spectacle.)

"..."

Apparently Sephiroth was baking...something, and Cloud knocked over the bucket of flour. Or Sephiroth upended it over his head in shock/anger. Accidentally, of course.

I put my padded foot down, and begin to walk for the stairs, with the intent of getting my cell from my room, motioning for Alyxx to follow. Unfortunately, I'm diverted from my course to the stairs by Vincent, who grabs me around the waist, and slings my over his shoulder. Alyxx just stares slack-jawed at this whole thing, that I've gotten used to in the past hour or so. Despite the fact that I'm facing Alyxx, I sigh and say,

"Okay, okay, I'll stop walking around on it."

"Where are you going now?" Vincent asks.

"Kitchen. But I need my cell first."

Vincent deposits me in the kitchen, vanishes for about five minutes, then returns with my cell phone.

"Uh...Thanks. Alyxx, come sit down. You don't have to stand in the doorway all day."

As Alyxx comes and sits across from me, I begin to dial my cousin's number. (Remember, said cousin is a doctor)

"How did this happen, Shay?"

"Dunno. They just showed up on my doorstep."

"...Okay, then. Are they just going to stay here then?"

"Guess so. Also, now that you know, you could stay here for as many days are necessary, to help me survive this."

"...You're not going to let me go home, are you?"

"Nope. You can weather the storm with me."

I finish dialing, and it starts to ring.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, cuz, it's me, Shay."

_"What do you want?"_

"Aw, I'm hurt, Ant! Can't I call to say hello?"

_"You never call just to say hello. You only call when you want something."_

"Hmmm...You could be right, there, dear cousin..."

_"Just get on with it!"_

"Okay, okay...I need you to come over and see if my foot is broken."

_"Why would your foot be broken? You never do _anything_!"_

"Hey! That's not fair! I play soccer and you know it! Anyway, it's a long story that you can find out later. When can you come?"

My cousin sighs.

_"I'll be there in about 15 minutes."_

"Oh, yeah...you should know, I have some friends over... so beware..."

_"Why should I beware?"_

"Cause they're all guys that can be rather creepy at times...It's best to ignore them most of the time...Except maybe Vincent...He's not too bad. Alyxx is here too."

_"...Right. I'l be there in 15."

* * *

_

"Okay, good news, Shay." Anthony says as he stretches.

"Your foot's not broken, your ankle's just sprained."

"...How does my _ankle_ get sprained, if I dropped a book on my _toe_?"

Ant raised his eyebrow.

"So that's what happened. It's only a minor sprain, anyway. It should be fine in a day or two."

"I didn't think it was anything major... IN YOUR FACE VINCENT!! MY FOOT ISN'T BROKEN!!"

"I DON'T CARE!! IT SURE LOOKED LIKE IT, OKAY?!" Vincent yells back from the kitchen.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?! YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR!!"

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP!! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!!"

Anthony breaks up our pleasant argument with the practiced (and loud) ease of someone who's been doing it for years. Which he has because our family is waaaay too big. There is approximately 35 people on my mother's side alone. But anyway, that doesn't matter because we are all distracted by the sound of some unfortunate person screaming in terror...Or shocked anger...Or something...

* * *

AN: I actually have a cousin called Anthony, and his nickname is Ant, so that's where that came from.

* * *

**So, that's the second chappie! I already have a small idea for the third! See ya!**


	3. Kittarra shows up

Lalalalalallamallalalalalalalalallama Lalalalalallamallalalalalalalalallama

**Htaed: Hi pplz! I finally got a sort-of idea for the next chapter for this story, so I posted it ASAP.**

**Grimm: Liar. You've had this written for what, like, a month?**

**Htaed: Quiet, pest. **

LLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE

-Almighty Flashback of DOOM-

_Suddenly, we are all distracted by someone upstairs screaming in terror…or shocked anger…or something…_

-End Almighty Flashback of DOOM-

I rush...er, hobble upstairs… I wonder if I'll have any hair left at the back of my head after Vincent finishes glaring at me. _Waaaiit_ _a second_. I freeze in my tracks, halfway up the stairs. I slowly turn around.

Okay, Cloud is reading by the window, Kadaj is sulking in my specially manufactured emo corner, Vincent is scowling at me from the bottom of the stairs, Reno, Ant and Alyxx are glued to the TV…I do believe they're watching Naruto…and Sephiroth is rummaging in the pantry, looking for who-knows-what. (I can see him through a hole in the wall made by yours truly.) Hmmmm…Just as I thought. Someone, or rather, two someones, are missing from the picture. Sigh…Decisions, decisions…

"Vincent," I begin. "I may need some help…"

Wordlessly, Vincent marches up the stairs. I motion for him to be quiet. At the top of the stairs, I stop and listen, then hear sounds coming from the general direction of my room. I silently (sort of) walk towards the door, motioning for Vinnie to follow. I slowly open it and reveal three people. Loz is crying on my bed, while Yazoo is busy duct-taping all sharp objects to my ceiling. My friend Kittarra is sitting below the open window, apparently in shock. She notices us, and points at the SHM and Vincent behind me, opening and closing her mouth, but failing to get any words out. She gets up, and takes a few steps towards us. I actually barely notice this, as I'm too busy trying to figure out where Yazoo got the stepstool he's using ((he doesn't need anything more than that, they're all already freakishly tall)), as I don't recall owning one…ah, well.

-THUD-

I look down in surprise at the sound. Seeing Kittarra lying prone at my feet, I come to the realization that she has fainted. _"Huh. Just like me…"_ Maybe I should be worried - people fainting left and right, maybe it's some kind of mysterious affliction? Ah, _yes_, the affliction of _fictional_ _characters_ suddenly being _not_ fictional. I remember now.

-Several minutes, a ton of smelling salts, and one bucket of cold water later-

"So…the guys, or most of them, from FFVII, just…showed up on your doorstep."

"Yep."

"And you're perfectly okay with that?"

"Yep. Sephiroth's an awesome cook, Vincent's a great bodyguard, and the rest of them provide daily comic relief!"

"…How can you possibly be so accepting of all this?!"

For those curious readers, the three of us (Kittarra, Alyxx and me) are all sitting at the kitchen table, munching on brownies made by the above-mentioned awesome cook. Alyxx raises her eyebrow at Kittarra's shock at my nonchalance at the situation.

"Kit, have you met her family?"

"…Not really. Just her mom, dad and brothers."

"…If you'd grown up with a family like hers, you'd be accepting of just about anything short of Apocalypse, too." I tilt my head curiously, while simultaneously taking another brownie.

"Apocalypse…isn't that a movie?"

Kittarra smacks her forehead, and Alyxx smacks _my_ forehead.

"OW! What was that for?" I ask, rubbing the sore spot.

"Stay on topic, Shay! Focus!!"

I look at her weird.

"Are you from Poland?" I ask, quoting a play that made fun of teachers in grade eight. (( An actual event. Our tech teacher was from Poland. The person playing him said, "FOCUS!! I'm from Poland!", cause the teacher was always telling people to focus. I won't say any names))

-SMACK-

-WHAP-

"Itaaaiiii…" I whine, clutching my thrice-smacked head, as both Alyxx and Kittarra have smacked me this time. Alyxx glares at me.

"Seriously now, Shay, what are we going to do with them?"

I sigh, and run a hand through my waist-length, silver-streaked, black hair.

"I really don't know." I say, serious for once. "I guess we'll just have to let them stay here. My house has the least visitors, or at least, the least visitors who are smart enough to realize something's off." Seriously, I have five older brothers, Cade, Zane, Xander, Derek, and Kain. Very nice, (sometimes) _Very_ protective of their _'baby sister'_, and, luckily, very clueless. About games, anyway. Neither they, nor the rest of my family are gamers _at all_, and therefore have no idea who these people are.

"I guess she's right."

Alyxx stands up.

"Where are you going?" I ask innocently.

"I have to get home. Summer homework left undone, that sort of thing."

I shake my head.

"Oh, no. You two aren't going anywhere. You're gonna stay with me. I believe I already told you that, Als. Kittarra, that goes for you too." _Ohohoho, I is evil… They is going nowhere…hehehehehehe…_ 'Quiet, you.' I tell my inner voice/fangirl.

"But I have Simon and Mishka to look after! Two dogs, Shay! They need to be walked and fed!"

"And I have Jade and Chase! They need to be looked after, too!"

I wave my hand dismissively.

"We'll go get them. And bring 'em here. I have a big house."

Alyxx looks unsure.

"Two cats and three dogs, plus all the people? Isn't that pushing it?" she asks dubiously.

"Nah, we'll all fit in my room, and we'll divide the guys up between the basement, living room, and spare rooms. Later. Let's go get your stuff and your pets, in the meantime."

"'Kay."

I also had two dogs, Ginta and Hakkaku (A pair of lovable, hyperactive, HUGE, mutts. Husky + German shepherd + some other stuff) and another cat (Siamese-Abyssinian cross) called Pharaoh. Pharaoh got run over 'cause he was not the brightest crayon in the box, and Ginta and Hakkaku are now living with Xander, 'cause they annoyed by neighbors. I'm gonna get another cat soon, though. Moving on with the story now, I suppose.

The three of us walked into the living room, where the men were assembled on the couch and floor area around the couch. (Ant apparently went home without our knowledge) I gave them a Look.

"Alright. Me, Alyxx, and Kittarra have to go get some stuff. That means you will be without supervision. You are all to _stay put_. Sephiroth is allowed to move around to retrieve snacks, and kitty. Cloud is allowed to move if Kadaj tries to molest him, however, Kadaj is not allowed to chase him, as that would require moving. Vincent is allowed to move to retrieve anyone who moves without my express permission, and to answer the door and phone, as I would like to come home to a house, not a _pile of rubble_. Everyone is allowed to move around this one room if, A: you are getting a movie, B: you are getting the remote, or C: you are getting more comfortable. _Understood?_" I say menacingly, and they are all shaking in their boots. Or, rather, socks. With the exception of Vincent, of course. Heehee. I am so evil. I can make the SHM tremble in fear. Fear me, and my attack cat.

And with that, we leave, locking the door securely.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE

**Htaed: Well, that was rather well done, if I do say so myself.**

**Grimm: -yawns- Yeah, yeah, whatever. I can has a nap now?**

**Htaed: Stop talking like the ALMIGHTY LOL CATZ! It's not cute when you're a talking blue cat. With impeccable sarcasm.**

**Grimm: -yawns again- Whatever. Night.**

PREVIEW:

"YOU DID WHAT?!" I shriek at Xander over the phone. I am not sorry for busting his eardrums, ho no.

"We all decided to pop over for a surprise visit! Strange, though, how you're not home, but your house is full of men…" he sounds rather…angry. Hm. I wonder why…

I take a deep breath. I knew I shouldn't have told them where the spare key was hidden. Especially because I can hear pitiful cries for help in the background.


End file.
